Background:
I'm a member of a community service club for teenagers and young adults up to age 21. The club is part of the local Sheriff's office and overseen by two Deputies. As a member of the club, we learn about law enforcement and help the Sheriff's office by participating at community events.
The Award:
Every year a Council from the Sheriff's Office has an award ceremony where they give out different awards, recognizing people for their accomplishments and such. One of the awards is given out in recognition of an outstanding member of our club.
The Situation:
Two weeks ago the Deputies notified us that they'd sent in their three nominations for the award and the council would choose from the three.
In order to determine the best nominee the Council would read a brief description on each member that was written by the advisors. And then choose from that and perhaps from some input given by the Deputies/Advisors.
That same week, three days after our weekly club meeting I receive a phone call from another Deputy in the Sheriff's Office. She'd called on the Council's behalf to notify me that I had been chosen from the three for the award.
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Since then I've been trying to decline the Award.
After I'd gotten off the phone with this Deputy I spent the next few hours thinking about the Award.
I came to the conclusion that the system was flawed, and I'd only been chosen out of favoritism. Not only did I feel they chose me because I was painted in a better light, But I also felt the other applicants were more deserving for the award. They both had leadership skills that outweighed my own and had shown more commitment to the club than myself.
So that night I wrote an email back explaining my reservations and wish to decline the award.
The following week, last Friday, the Deputy called me back to discuss the matter. Her objective was to persuade me that I was being modest and really did deserve the award. But I wouldn't alter my stance and held to my desire to decline the award.
This meant she'd have to go back to the Council and tell them they'd need to pick another nominee, or they could choose not to have an Award for this year.
At one point during the conversation she stated I was 'looking a gift horse in the mouth'.
So now I felt the situation had been resolved. My feelings on the matter had been accepted and now they'd move on. Either choosing another nominee or none at all.
So long as the situation could just be swept under the carpet, I was more than happy to forget I'd ever been a runner up.
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My hopes had been unfounded. Today I received a call from one of the other Deputies, one of our Advisors. It seemed he also wanted to persuade me to accept the award. I felt at a loss. I'd believed the situation over, the council having been alerted and probably now choosing someone else. But it seemed the Deputies still figured they could persuade me otherwise.
So we spent at least five minutes on the phone. He trying to find out my reservations and prove I had no reason to not accept the award. He defended the selection process and assured me I had not been chosen out of favoritism and certainly deserved the award. He also stated how the Deputies having to choose someone else would make them look bad, since it was like they made a bad choice.
After I got off the phone I was completely conflicted. Now I faced the dilema of making things even more difficult for everyone.
For the next several hours I tried to seek advice through a friend and re-evaluate the meaning of the award and my reservations.
One person brought up something I'd never thought about. They pointed out how it was certainly something that would look good on my resume for the future when applying with an agency.
But where as this point should have seem a valid reason to accept the Award, I found it as a reason no to accept the award. I couldn't picture myself adding the nomination to my resume.
I wouldn't feel I'd deserved it, and would feel like a fraud for placing it on my resume as though it were an accomplishment I'd earned.
I ended up sending a short text back to the Deputy, deciding I had nothing to say on the phone.
The message included my 'hopefully' final declination of the Award, and how I couldn't accept something that meant nothing to me.
